I was so mad, I couldn't do anything until I wrote this. Or: OH MY GOD TOM FRIEDMAN

So, my former ummmm, partner? friend-but-more? former open-relationship-type-thing? - guys, I don't know what it was, although we now have a lovely friendship - and I had kind of a running thing with each other over pundits: he completely LOATHED, to the point of practically wanting to stab something alive just to make it bleed, David Brooks. Absolutely detested. And I really, really hated, to an equal degree, Maureen Dowd. And we would kind of joke with each other and send columns back and forth and discuss their just incredible AWFULNESS with each other.

(On a related note, this weekend my Intelligence Law professor recommended I read, among other things, a Richard Cohen op-ed piece in the WaPo for my paper about the illegality of unmanned CIA Predator drone attacks under international law (I am a dork, I know, SHUT UP) and I said thank you for the additional sources, but I will pass on Richard Cohen, whom I tend to believe is the Worst Pundit Ever, and then my professor cut off the email exchange with me, so . . . ? Perhaps I should not have said this about Richard Cohen. BUT HE IS. And, if my Intelligence Law professor respects him, then I worry about his, er, intelligence (HA!). Still, I have to get a grade from this man. But I digress).

So, this gentleman and I, we both agreed that Tom Friedman is just as awful as MoDo and BoBo Brooks, but he's just worth an eye-roll, because he's pretty much a parody of himself at this point. Everything Tom Friedman writes or does is laugh-out-loud bad; have you seen the SUCK. ON. THIS. video? He's a warmongering asshole who has nothing to say about why he supported the Iraq War, and so inadvertently reveals he feels threatened about his masculinity in totally cliche ways. Because apparently we assert our power in the world by getting our soldiers killed and throwing gazillions of dollars into a completely unnecessary war, such that Tom Friedman can assert he, and the Untied States, do indeed have a large penis? I could not make this shit up.

So, Tom Friedman - clearly an imbecile. He speaks in metaphors that make no sense, likes to name drop, and comes to conclusions with absolutely no basis. He's a clown. Whenever I am feeling a little low (I ALREADY ADMITTED I was a nerd, so save it) I reread Matt Taibbi's review of Tom Friedman's book and chuckle. Go read it, folks. I'll wait for you.

But this? Really ticks me off. AND NOT EVEN because of the intense stupidity of:

Businesses prefer to invest with the Jetsons more than the Flintstones, which brings me to the subject of this column.

OW. My brain. Also: WHAT??? TOM FRIEDMAN, YOU MAKE NO SENSE.

Other folks have already mentioned the entire column is not even print-worthy: Tom Friedman talks to the CEO of a huge corporation, and the CEO wants tax breaks and subsidies. Surprise!!1!1!!! And then Tom Friedman acts like this is surprising. And then explains how this is somehow about the LAX airport falling apart, and how our country is getting less competitive, and China, and the Obama administration is a small electronic device. All this from giving the millionaire CEO (or billionaire, who knows, I am not looking that shit up) a platform to push his own self-interested agenda. As if tax breaks to large corporations (and loads of corporate welfare) had not already been thought of. And are a terrible idea.

But here's the bit that made me want to throw something:

I had a chance last week to listen to Paul Otellini, the chief executive of Intel, the microchip maker and one of America’s crown jewel companies. Otellini was in Washington to talk about competitiveness at Brookings and the Aspen Institute. At a time when so much of our public policy discussion is dominated by health care and bailouts, my public service for the week is to share Mr. Otellini’s views on start-ups.

THIS IS TOM FRIEDMAN'S PUBLIC SERVICE FOR THE WEEK.

I can't . . . I just . . . it's like . . . GAH.

From someone who has thus far, and intends to in the future, devote her entire life to public service, I have to say, Tom Friedman?

FUCK YOU.

OK, now I am going to try to devote my head to something OTHER than seething at Tom Friedman. Like figuring out dinner.