I never thought I would have to make comment guidelines for this space. But, I also thought no one would read this blog. But, you know, hi everyone! Welcome! Maybe! We need to talk.
First, finer thing? Lovey, thank you. You are a grace.
But, ok, here are my commenting guidelines: I am Gayle fucking Force, and I am empress of Unnatural Forces. I make decisions about what comments stay or not. This is a given. But I JUST WROTE A POST about how awesome and substantive the discussions have been here. So, if you are not on point,or contributing to the discussion, or you are telling me I am not a Super Serious Feminist and have failed the feminist movement somehow (HAVE YOU SEEN THE POST WITH PICTURES OF MY CAT PLAYING WITH A TAMPON????) or I didn't write the post you needed me to write and therefore are merely criticizing rather than discussing the topic from your point of view . . . you might get deleted. Because I might feel like you are fuckering the discussion.
That being said, I have a very long fuse. I won't delete you for sure unless you say violent or scary or triggering or dangerous things. I really believe in freedom of discussion and the marketplace of ideas and all that (unless you are one of those people who incorrectly invokes censorship!!! and the First Amendment!!! in which case you get deleted for being an idiot). So, I am going to tolerate a lot. There are blogs which shut down speech and tone and comments WAY too often, I think, and that drives me up a wall, and while I understand they are trying to create a safe space, they are also keeping a great deal of people who have valid things to say but are afraid to offend quiet. And feminism is a learning process, and I understand not everyone is there. I'm not there. I get called out on things all the time; I just don't want this to be a space where anyone feels like they are afraid to share because they are not up to whatever "feminist standard" the community (ostensibly) is.
So. You have shit to say, or you disagree with me in substance, then AWESOME. No, really, this is the forum to really discuss feminist issues - please, I want that. You can challenge my ideas on feminist issues and theory if you want. But, you know, if you want me to respond, you should probably use "I" statements and instead of telling me what I did WRONG, engage with your own analysis. Because if the substance of your post is How I Did Feminism incorrectly, or wrote unclearly, or I didn't really "deconstruct" when you sure as hell ain't doing it, I got nothing to say to you. Because, essentially, what am I supposed to say? "No, I'm not"? That is not an argument I have any fucking interest in having.
And, important news flash! Did you know I am in the middle of law school finals? And I have five classes? I am just saying! So if my posts aren't totally coherent, in like academic essay form, with a thorough enough analysis, FUCK. OFF. Don't tell me what deconstruction is, also. Because you suck. AND you don't know what you're talking about.
But here's what happens a lot in comments, and I have seen it on other blogs - bloggers will write really personal things or share very painful memories, and people dismiss that, and bring the conversation around to all about them. If you commented in the last post, did you notice I added a personal note in that story? Did you see that I have had an awful lot of instances wherein I have been called a "whore" and that has been thrown in my face to dehumanize me? I think that a lot of people take what bloggers say for granted. But every time I share, every time I write about my rape, or my anxiety, or my fear, or my personal stories, I am making a decision to put something very personal, and make myself very vulnerable, in a public space. And are you considering that before you are commenting? Or are you coming at me, like, look, this is what I want, this is what I need to see, I was hoping for better feminism than this?
Because you are being an inconsiderate asshole to me, if you are doing that.
A couple things that are especially stupid that I would like to respond to from the last post:
I would have addressed more of your post, but you went from Tina Fey's segment to addressing several other extreme and generally throw-away opinions (women can be good wives or whores, women who work at Hooters are stupid, it is the woman's fault when a man cheats with her, etc).These are not throw away opinions. These effect women's lives. Women like me! Women like lots of people who are reading this post! Because women have to deal with fucked up narratives about our sexuality all the fucking time! So shut the fuck up!
I don't see how you linked Tina Fey to larger patterns.Did you miss the point about the rape culture?
What chance does feminism have if feminists only argue against people who have no interest in hearing them[?]First off all, what chance does feminism have to do what? Sometimes, feminism is about helping me not go insane. Feminism has done wonders to keep me mentally healthy! YAY FEMINISM!!!! (It has done a lot of other things, like, you know, give women the vote, for example. There's that, too).
I personally get frustrated when feminist issues are simplified in the way I thought Gayle Force was doing here, because (for ME), it has led to isolation and constant anger. I am not intending to philosophize or write an academic critique, and I only leaned that way when challenged that I wasn't seeing the deconstruction going on in this post.THIS BLOG IS NOT ABOUT YOU. Perhaps you were misled? And are you attempting to challenge me like I will learn? Learn what? What the fuck am I learning from you? Sometimes, feminist issues are simple! And personal! There's an awesome lady named Betty Friedan, by the way? Also, the "personal is political" is kinda a thing! And if you want a Super Serious Feminist, go read Judith Butler. WE POST CAT AND TAMPON PICTURES HERE.
Look, you can challenge me about stuff (not rape stuff). You can bring your personal experience to the table. Please do. But I can tell you: if you want to educate me on feminist theory, you better bring the university, and you better know what the fuck you are talking about with lots of support and properly cited, because I am REALLY solid on this.
The thing is, I thought I might get comments about how privileged that post was - because, it occurred to me in the shower this morning that even though I got called a whore after resisting the social narratives that would police my sexuality, women of color are usually labeled hyper-sexual and whores simply by virtue of the color of their skin. It is a privilege to even have the option of being a "good girl" and to have the chance to play by the rules by not admitting I loved and enjoyed sex and slept with folks as it pleased me. That chance is not extended to women of color.
See - THAT? That would have been an awesome comment. And I am really not very good yet at picking up on trans issues - I would have loved a comment about my not acknowledging my cis privilege.
Instead I got a Concern Troll. Which, does, indeed, make me feel like Big Girl Feminist Blogger officially now, so thanks Concern Troll! I didn't even delete your comment.
So. Those are a lot of words to come back to the basic point which is: if your presence is not doing anything worthwhile in this space, or you tick me off, or you are being an inconsiderate asshole, or you make me not want to share very personal things about my rape and be vulnerable here, you may get deleted. I don't monitor comments, and I hope I never have to. I don't want to have to screen comments before I allow them to get posted. And mostly because, well, have I mentioned that I am in the middle of law school? I HAVE FOUR MORE FINALS, YOU GUYS. GAH.
Ok, I am going to go home and study evidence now. YOU ALL WISH YOU WERE ME, I KNOW.